Self, you need to make a bank run. Its 35 degrees out. Better use the remote start and warm the car up first…
Drives to bank
Self, you need to make a bank run.
10 minutes later…
Well, walking here was nice but you should run back. Just to prove you can!
Runs most of the way back to the office.
Lets go ahead and ignore the tequila shot and cocktails that followed (quite spontaneously and unexpected, honest!) and just take a moment to reflect on the whole running thing, shall we? I have had long standing rules about when it’s appropriate to run. Three of them.
- Commercial break during a Packer game. Obviously a rule invented prior to DVR which should give you an idea of how long standing this rule is.
- Ugly rapist chasing me. Really no explanation should be necessary here.
- I totally forget #3. But I know it existed once so I’m certain it’s solid and should, therefore have been upheld.
I’ve recently been introduced to a substitute for #2- Rabid tiger. I’m undecided on the status of this rule. I mean honestly, the chances of me outrunning a tiger, rabid or not, are pretty fucking slim, so do I even bother trying? A year ago the answer was a hard no. Now, well, I dunno…
But more importantly, as I rapidly approach the close of my 43rd trip around the sun, breaking the rules is apparently my thing. Because commercial breaks during a Packer game have become insignificant. Either I’m at the game and I’m gonna miss something no matter what or I’m at home where the bathroom’s so close running would be more absurd than I thought it heretofore. And an ugly rapist, well, lets face it, I’m no spring chicken so maybe I shouldn’t be so choosy. Perhaps I need to reevaluate my line of thought and all. And three, well, I can’t really e expected to uphold a rule I can’t remember can I?
SO here it is. January 8, 2018, and I am thrilled beyond reasonable comprehension that it’s more than 30 degrees and the sun is mostly shining and I an go for a run/walk. So I did. And it was fan-fucking-tastic.
WHO AM I AND WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MYSELF?!