Happy Single Awareness day

In honor of this, the lamest holiday of all the holidays, I give you random things that make me laugh. Because if you’re single, you probably want a laugh after all the saccharine sweet oozing out of the day. If you’re married, you can probably still use a good laugh. So I hope these give you at least a hint of a giggle, too…

1. Today, I was asked “How much does it cost to replace one of those hubby things”. With a straight face. And while I knew, I mean KNEW, that it was an IT related question from one of my staff whom I’ve been friends with for the better part of 13 years, I just couldn’t help myself. Common people. It’s VALENTINES DAY! I had to answer, “Well, that really depends on how much your divorce lawyer charges per hour and how messy the break up is.” Replacement hub will be ordered tomorrow.

2. Downton Abbey.  If you aren’t watching this show already, you need to start. What’s not to love? Amazing location, great cast, fantastic costuming, and Maggie Smith with some of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard. Probably has something to do with her pursed up old English aristocrat character, but honestly… The writing for her character is spectacular. Nothing beats sarcasm from your granny, right? Toss in high drama amongst the prim and proper and you’ve got yourself a soap opera to amuse the whole family.

3. (I’m tired so I’m keeping it short tonight) Finally, my nephew. I had the rare privilege of a play date Saturday. He lives in California, I’m in Wisconsin, we don’t see near enough of each other (at least for my liking), so I was very excited when my brother said he was bringing the family along for a work trip in Chicago and would I like the boy on Saturday so he and his wife could have kinky hotel sex. (Yes, he really said that. He’s been traumatizing me like this for years. I’ve gotten used to it. Finally). I think my answer was something along the lines of “Duh”.  So Saturday night Bradley came to play. Still one of the best behaved kids I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with.  So we played some Wii, we watched Indiana Jones, we busted out Perfection (Complete with the AWESOME 70’s family in their horrible hair cuts and stupid clothes on the box! Still works!), we played War. Finally talked him into bed around midnight with the promise of reading the first chapter of Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets

Sunday morning we met my brother & sister in law at Ray’s Indoor Mountain Bike Park. For those of us stuck in this hell known as winter, I gotta tell you, this place was pretty cool… Indoor bike riding playground full of obstacles, hills, valleys, all kinds of craziness which is a bit of a haven for bike riders in a normally non-riding season.  We got to stay for a half hour to watch Bradley ride then had to leave for a meeting (UGH UGH UGH. Have I mentioned how much I HATE meetings?). They stayed for the better part of 5 hours. Then they hit the Milwaukee Hilton with the indoor water park where he got to play for another 2 hours. On wrapping up his day, the boy says to his dad, “This would be the best day of my whole life if only our hotel room came with a shoehorn!”. Honestly. He’s 6 and a half. And his perfect day was spoiled by the lack of a shoe horn. This one ranks right up there with my Godson who once ran into a pole and explained to his mom (while waiting for the doctor at the ER to stitch his head back together) that he couldn’t decide if he should go right or left, so he went forward and thought the pole would move…

With that, I’ll leave just one more parting thought. Something occurred to me as I was making dinner tonight. Three weeks ago I started back up on Weight Watchers, finally admitting that I just can’t ignore the last 30lbs anymore…  So I got to thinking, why do we say we’re trying to lose weight? I think this is the crux of every diet roller coaster ever. In every other circumstance, losing is a bad thing. When you lose a game, you’re bummed cuz winning’s more fun. When you lose your car keys you’re pissed because now you’re gonna be late.  When you lose your lunch, well… You know what happens and WHO likes that? So for real, why do we want to lose weight? Wouldn’t that indicate on some level that we’d rather keep it or, if lost, we’ll miss it and want to find it again? So no thank you. I am no longer trying to lose weight. I would prefer to demolish it, break up with it, blow it up like a cement truck full of explosives, whatever it takes to walk away from the weight and never. EVER. see it again…


7 responses to “Happy Single Awareness day

  1. I love kid logic! It’s really wonderful. Happy random Tuesday.

  2. Colin wants to know how many hits this got. He is just so worried that someone from Cambridge will see this and learn his deep dark secret. We thought it was perfectly fitting!

  3. I do! I do!!!! And I know where he lives. Tell Colin he is in trouble now! (Glad you had a fun day with the nephew.)

  4. Mary… You aren’t helping me retain favorite Godmother status here! LOL

  5. Maybe instead of “trying to lose weight” you could start the mantra “winning the body I want”??

  6. Aren’t you the only Godmother? Your status is a given! I like the “Winning the body I want” idea.

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