I had every intention of saving this one for F/O Friday. I think I even mentioned it in last Friday’s post. One of the projects that recently fell off my needles but needed blocking before the final photo shoot…  I’m still relatively new to the knitting of all the things so finishing a sweater is a big deal and I was most excited to share with the world. Note the past tense. We’ll get to that in a minute.

This past weekend was a rare weekend off during the summer. No event, no family plans, nothing, so I got to cram three or four weekends worth of stuff into Sunday.  First off I decided to take advantage of the bright sun, warm air and lack of rain by doing my blocking on the back porch.  Normally I use my cutting table in the sewing room because its the only place I can safely spread out the blocking mats and pin things out where kittens cannot eat Elephant) the blocking mats, Salamander) The pins or Walrus) the knit wear. The catch, however, is that my sewing room is in the basement so I typically keep the vent closed to that room during the summer or it is typically arctic in there, which means no real airflow to help things dry.  When last I blocked my Laneway, 2 days into the process it was still mostly moist and on the verge of mildewing. No good! So I grabbed the mats, the pins and my spankin’ new blocking wires and headed for the porch.

Someday I’ll learn to compensate for the funky shadows…

Lambton didn’t need much in the way of blocking, mostly just straightening the bottom hem and a little shaping  of the the empire waste to hem and squaring off the neckline.  So I pinned ‘er up and gave it about 2 hours outdoors to dry.

Then I tried it on. And I flashed back to all my trepidations while knitting it.

Remember how I said it’s an empire waist? Notice how that empire waistline rides a bit low? Like to my actual waist? I’m not entirely ungifted in the boobage department. Not as well endowed as some, fare more than many. No less than average to be sure, yet it seems clear I would need some seriously larger gozangas to pull this sucker up to “empire” level.  Or a hump.  I think a hump might help. Perhaps if my shoulders were located, say, closer to my ears?  As it is, I think it’s pretty clear that the pattern as written and my physique are incompatible.

As you might have guessed by the bag on my head, I am taking this failure surprisingly well.  Unlike my first sweater (the one I seem to mention an awful lot despite it being the one we shall never discuss), I did the gauge swatch. Finished product matches swatch. I managed successfully to read all of the directions and had the proper stitch and row counts at all times (well, maybe not stitch counts. I seem magically to add and remove stitches all the time. I call these design modifications and fudge it from there). I was warned by another Raveler that the sweater might be a problem as written if you are short waisted. I am short waisted. I know this. But the problem seems to come in a bit north of the waist, don’t you think? I’m really choosing to find the whole thing funny.  This may change. It may not. I’m going to take it day by day and roll with the punches. In the mean time, I’ll try to figure out what to do with it… Either find someone with huge tracts of land to fill out the chestal area better than this knitter does or frog the whole schmere and stash the yarn for a future project.  I’ll entertain other suggestions in comments, should you have a different theory to offer. Keeping in mind I’m in a good mood over the fail, the funnier your suggestion, the more likely you may be gifted a Lambton. Or at least enjoy the pictures of whatever else may become of it…


8 responses to “EPIC FAIL

  1. Cut and sew, maybe, take some of the chest area out. However this is remarkable similar to steeking, and scares the bejeezes out of me.
    empire waist type things lean towards maternity look with my belly, and are to be avoided like the plague. Actually knitting for me just doesn’t happen, I prefer knitting for the kids, maybe one day I’ll make some more socks, sigh, when the queue stops growing maybe.

    • I am a selfish SELFISH knitter. The fact that my Orgy of Greed list is as long as it is is nothing short of amazing. Which is why I’m torn between frogging and giving it away.

  2. Couple of balloons, perhaps? Either that or maybe you could stretch it lengthways a bit and wear it as a sweater dress. 😉

    fwiw I think it looks really good. Great work!

    • Now that’s some thinkin’! I think the balloons is an especially appealing idea as I’ve always wanted huge tracts of land…

  3. can you somehow belt it and blouse it out so it becomes more flattering? It looks like a really nice garment, so it would be a pity to lose all that knitting time…

    Of course, my first sweater ended up as a gift to a friend who has 7″ and 100 lbs on me…

    • Truth be told I don’t think I will ever feel anything but frumpy wearing this one. I should have listened to my inner knitter from the start! Oh well. Chalking it up to experience and moving on to other projects!

  4. Well done. It’s stunning

  5. I think it’s cute!

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